Connecting Devotees Worldwide - In Service Of Srila Prabhupada
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Im not very intelligent to answer anything, but from my very limited knowledge what I know is that people caryy their previous many births attitude into this life and so from many births this property of your being highly attached to sex transmigrated to present life. But since you have practiced KC and mastered over all 3 regulative principles in previous birth Krishna arranged for your advancement and gave you a chance to born in such an advanced KC family.....its an arrangement by Krishna that you born in this KC family such that you can overcome the 4th regulative principle. Just pray for the mercy of Lord Narsimha
By reading your post I can guess and be sure you are a very strong boy. Because many fear and feel shame of sharing their problems in open forums like this. You have a very good spiritual knowledge and you are very luck to have such a nice spiritual family. And also I liked your spiritual routine.
I hope your main problem is masturbating regularly. This is a common practice in the adolescence period but too many attachment to such things can affect your spiritual life and mental attitude.
As for my suggestions, I would like to tell you that make some female friends (think only for friendship), you have not mentioned you've or not. Talk with them, when you start to talk to them you will know female are not only for pleasure. You'll start changing your perspective towards them. You can learn many things from them, it will be better if you make some matajis' as friends.
Watch the image/deity of radha krishna and astha-sakhis every day, talk to radharani and astha sakhis every day in the morning. Ask for their blessings.
Hope you will follow my suggestions.
Don't be frustrated it will take time to change the habits. Make commitments.
I'll pray to Gourango for you.
Hare Krsna pr
please accept my humble obeisances.
I am very happy to see that you have come out with your problem and asked for suggestion.
Sex attraction is very very difficult to overcome and the two powerful energies - avaranatmika shakti and prakshepatmika shakti both of them act very nicely to trap the living entities in this illusory pleasure. Avaranatmika shakti covers the spiritual intelligence of the living entity which helps him to discriminate and understand. Prakshepatmika shakti has another wonderful service. Both of them together trap the living entity.
As far as I can understand your present situation the only solution is
CHANTING THE HOLYNAME SINCERELY,HELPLESSLY WITHOUT OFFENSES IN ASSOCIATION OF DEVOTEES AND ATTENDING A STRONG MORNING PROGRAM EVERYDAY .
just going to temple, once a week will not help so much. You need to do lot more things. Few things which I have replied to other posts are here. Please do follow them, they will help. I will tell more things on mail, if possible..
1.Please hear lectures of HHRNSM on lust and also hear kirtans of Naru Gopal pr, HHRNSM which will pacify your mind .. It will bring down your agitated mind from passion to goodness. Please do also hear lectures of HG RadheShyam pr, HG Krsnanand pr on lust. theya r available here on IDT.
2. Please take a chillly cold water bath,early in the morning and wear the Vaishnava loin cloth so that mind does not get agitated. ALSO , WHEN YOU STUDY, DON'T STUDY IN SLEEPING POSTURE, STUDY IN SITTING POSTURE, MIND WON'T JUMP AWAY IF YOU ARE IN AN AUSTERE POSITION.
3. CHANT DESPERATELY , CRYING FOR KRSNA,ALWAYS CHANT IN ASSOCIATION OF DEVOTEES.
SOMETIMES YOU CAN GO TO A SECLUDED PLACE AND SHOUT LOUDLY " HARE KRSNA HARE KRSNA KRSNA KRSNA HARE HARE, HARE RAMA HARE RAMA, RAMA RAMA HARE HARE" whenever you are feeling disturbing thoughts.THIS IS a VERY IMPORTANT STEP.
4. When you have the opportunity to enjoy any object of gratification, GET OUT , GET OUT OF THAT PLACE, IMMEDIATELY. AS SOON AS YOU SEE A SENSE OBJECT AND YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO ENJOY IT, A SIREN SHOULD RING IN THE BACK GROUND" DANGER, DANGER, DANGER" AND GET OUT.. GET OUT NOW.. ELSE FALL DOWN .. FALL DOWN FOR SURE.
5. Keep a friend with you EVERY TIME YOU USE INTERNET, Who will correct you if you do wrong...
6.DO NOT STOP CHANTING COME WHAT MAY. CHANT YOUR ROUNDS EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL
7. CHANT IN ASSOCIATION OF DEVOTEES. CHANT SINCERELY, ATTENTIVELY,HELPLESSLY LOUDLY WITHOUT OFFENSES WITH FULL CONCENTRATION and THEN YOU WILL GET SUCH TASTE IN CHANTING THAT ALL MATERIAL THINGS WILL BECOME INSIGNIFICANT.CHANT LOOKING AT DEITIES OF SRI SRI RADHA MADHAVA..
8. ONCE YOU GET THAT HIGHER TASTE OF CHANTING, ALL MATERIAL PLEASURES WILL BECOME INSIGINIFICANT AND THEN YOUR LIFE WILL BECOME SUBLIME. YOU WILL HAVE CONTROL OVER YOUR SENSES AND YOU WILL GUIDE UR SENSES AND THEY WON'T GUIDE YOU. :)
9. AVOID COMPANY OF PEOPLE WHO TALK USELESS THINGS..
Hear SOME KIRTANS , HEARING WHICH YOUR MIND WILL GET A HIGHER TASTE AND DESIRE FOR LOWER THINGS WILL GO AWAY..
When you are alone, read some books of Prabhupada, that may help.
KRSNA is there for all of us to help, do not worry. CHANTING IS EXTREMELY POWERFUL, if we CHANT SINCERELY, ATTENTIVELY, WITHOUT OFFENSES AND WITH RIGHT ATTITUDE. KRSNA will give us the higher taste in CHANTING and gradually we will be able to overcome lust. IT IS NOT EASY FOR SURE, NOT EASY , VERY DIFFICULT BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE.
I can tell you some very deep truths which I have learnt from very senior celibates. If you wish to know, please do send me your email- I will tell you somethings which will help you get over this desire.
Hope this helps..
Hare Krsna Prabhu,
Thank you for your wonderful reply. You are right I've spent so many years watching porn and masturbating that now I've lost taste for it. I don't even feel like doing it but sometimes I get the craving and that's why I raised the issue. That issue is not such a big problem and I certainly have reduced how much porn and masturbation I do. What is my main issue is that I keep craving for girls' care, attention, association and touch and these are all non-devotee girls who have never chanted. So my main concern is that how can I stop myself from longing after girls, and how can I not feel depressed when I don't get the attention and care of girls? I want to place the least importance on girls but right now they are very important. So this is my problem - how can I just sincerely have no feelings for any girls and have no liking for them? How can I stop going after them and don't feel sad if they don't give me their attention and love?
Hare Krsna dear Prabhu,
I don't dislike your suggestions. You have given the true meaning of celibacy. In fact, I have many female friends but I hardly talk to them or chat to them or call them or touch them or interact in any other way. Most of the time, I'm all alone in my room, so your suggestions will work well for me. If you notice, I first said "no girl interacts with me" so basically I have a life to what you describe above, no chatting with girls or no calling and talking to them. But, as rightly said by you, I find this frustrating and resort to masturbation and porn watching, because I hardly get any chance to have any sort of contact with girls. It's not that I look for sexual features in all girls. There is one particular girl I like and I get dejected when she doesn't give me the attention and love. Other girls, I hardly think of them. Anyways, I yet have to improve but I'm a university student and you said that I shouldn't even have casual talks with girls but I go to university so can I avoid that? Another question I would like to ask: I long after ONE particular girl and dream about her because Krsna is not reciprocating with me. I don't feel the "LOVE OF GOD" that we keep mentioning in ISKCON and therefore I seek love from an active person. A girl I can talk to, a girl who can give me attention. I feel Krsna is not active with me. So how can I get Krsna to reciprocate with me and have exchange with me? I know the answer is that we have to rise to "pure goodness" and enter the spiritual world but I feel an 'emptiness and lack of interest" in my Bhakti because Krsna doesn't reciprocate with me. He doesn't talk to me, doesn't smile at me, doesn't touch me, etc... so this is what causes me to go after a girl. I know I have no qualifications to talk to God but please help me solve this problem, too. You see I can joke with a girl, talk to her, play with her, etc.. but with Krsna I can't do all this and this is what makes me turn my mind away from him. What's the way out? Will following the above points change this attitude?
NO need to apologize. I asked for enlightenment and that's what you are doing but I also have a desire to make the girl I like Krsna conscious. It's not that I just ignore God. I chant my rounds everyday, read SP books everyday, listen to Kirtan everyday and also do 2 times in a day Arti of Lord Jagannath, Baladev and Subadra. After doing all this, Krsna isn't getting appeased. He isn't giving me the girl so I won't mind. I'll just keep my routine on.
Hare Krishna Arjuna Prabhu,
You are extremely fortunate to get birth in such a family of devotees. :)
As many devotees have specified and I will reiterate it here, we are in this material world only because we want to enjoy sex life...
The most practical suggestion that I can give is that you should get married prabhuji.. at the earliest possible time... I know that 17 is not the age for marriage in our current social setup but that is one of the most recommended way of getting out of this hankering for opposite sex...
I will try explain this to some extent... By marriage I dont mean that we will get license to enjoy unrestricted sex and extinguish the fire of lust... That can never happen... The more we try to enjoy, we get more entangled in this material world.. You already know all this prabhuji... What I wanted to say is marriage will regulate and calm your mind to a great extent... Believe me, I had a very restless mind in this regard before marriage but after marriage the senses have calmed down... We will realise that sex pleasure is nothing, it is ZERO literally compared to performing devotional service to Radha and Krishna...
I feel you have this hankering because of your college setup, friends, media etc... You can try doing some practical service also.. like preaching, book distribution, serving prasadam, cleaning in temple... etc.. the more humbling service we do, more purified we become... The idea is to divert the mind and direct it to something where it remains busy... always...
Krishna is our best friend... but again, it is easier said than realised... but this realisation will come with more sincere chanting... Please increase your rounds.. bring it to 16... thats the "minimum" Srila Prabhupada recommended... He said that if we chant our rounds sincerely we will not have difficulty in following the regulative principles and if we do both we are setting up our path back home, back to godhead... :)
I would also recommend that you read a book from HH Bhakti Vikasa Swami Maharaj: "Brahmacharya in Krishna Consciousness". It is a very strong book and discusses all such problems... I am sure this will help...
If you are feeling this urge at night time then please read KRSNA book before going to sleep... Krishna will come in dreams.. Srila Prabhupada used to say this... You can talk to him in this way... he will respond.. :)
My first advice would be marriage as early as possible, whenever it is "practical"... As a separate thought this is one of the reasons why Srila Prabhupada desired to establish Varnashrama system in our society; so that such things dont attack us in a way that we fall down from our path. This system will ensure that we are in proper ashrama at right time... in your case, at this age...
Please continue your sadhana and pray to Radha and Krishna for their mercy. I will pray for you as well... :)
Please send me a message if you feel I can be of any help and serve you...
Hare Krsna Prabhuji,
I do understand that marriage might not be an option because of our social setup now a days...
But getting a girlfriend is a not at all a good alternative... I will not suggest it... Any mingling between boy and girl outside marriage is strictly prohibited in shastras... it is indeed a very precarious situation because we cant follow it to the complete essence in today's world where we have to interact with girls at some level...So thats why we must take shelter of the holy name...
We must understand that binding into this material world is because of attraction to opposite sex, the tendency to enjoy separately from Krishna... I can not certainly give you advice to have a girlfriend and mingle with her... We have to undergo austerities and be strict if we want Krishna's mercy... Having a girlfriend will also not solve any problem because It will aggravate the desire within once mingling starts... The mind will push to go to the next level and you might get into more abominable situations... which is like dragging you further down... it is like an itch, we think that it will become be pleasurable if we scratch it but then it doesnt, we end up having a sore skin which feels like burning...
Since marriage is not an option for 6-7 years (which is the immediate solution that I can suggest within the aspects of Krishna Consciousness), please do things that I have mentioned along with the things mentioned by other devotees... like chanting, service in temple etc... You can go to Mayapur.tv every morning at 4:30 am and attend Mayapur Mangal aarti... That will setup your day very nicely...
All these are required to keep our mind busy but important thing is to chant... Please be sincere and increase your rounds...
I do have the ebook... Please send me your email address and I will send it to you..
Dear Arjuna, Hare Krishna. Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada
The alternative is not having a girlfriend but to have proper association with the devotees of your age. When ghee is being poured in fire the fire doesn't extinguished rather it burn more similarly finding a girl friend just for mere sense satisfaction will melt you more. A girl is just a human being like you and me having a body of flesh, bones and stool. The Atman which is within you, the same Atman is within a girl, no difference. Freedom from sense pleasure not obtained through sense engagement, it will drag you more towards hellish life.
The solution is you go to your nearby temple or bace regularly and have a strong devotee association and do some service to the senior devotees and always take advice and talk to your counselor in temple, that will help you to refrain from the bad habit. See bad habit haunt us when we are alone , and when we are alone we will definitely on computer to remove our boredom, then all things become further complicated. so even if you don't find devotees in your locality make friends and engage in some fruitful activity like some games and all .
Don't keep urself alone, engage urself. That is the only solution. If you give time to your mind it will eat you slowly slowly. And remember Engage with a girl is not a solution, it will make your life more miserable. You can make friendship with girls but don't think of engage sexually it will pervert you more and more and can physically harm you as well.
Your aspiring servant
Hare Krishna Arjuna Prabhu ,
Well , I think I am most ineligible person to answer your queries , I am new to Krishna Consciousness but as a friend I would like to share few thoughts...please forgive me if any of my statement offends anyone.
Understand that you don't feel "LOVE OF GOD" , but are you sure you feel "Love of a girl" ?
Let me tell you prabhu , before coming to spiritual life , i have dated more than 20 girls, I know it's shameful but still I am telling you, may be my experience help you in some way.
If life is all about falling in love with opposite sex then why don't we fall in love with some old girl/man . The moons & stars which you may see initially in a girls eye will soon disappear and remnants would only be a heart-break and pain of a lifetime. There is only one "true love" that's between the Lord and the devotee. This material love is just the perverted reflection of the spiritual love . There is no such things as "live happily ever after" which you may see in a movie .(It may be possible if Krishna is in center of family ).
On a practical note prabhu, as of now, 1) just be sincere to your service , chant 16 rounds , do whatever services you can and focus on your career. Maya will make attempt to tempt you in all feasible ways , in form of a girl , movies, etc. but you need to tolerate them with determination and MERCY OF SENIOR DEVOTEES.
2) Tell the feelings to girl you think you like , may be she will reject you /accept you . If she will accept you then may be for a short while you will be happy (actually not happy, but in state of delusion you may think you are happy) But sooner or later it will go , because it's just a perverted reflection of Spiritual love. And in this way you will just get frustration..
Option 2 is suicidal AND I WILL NOT RECOMMEND IT TO ANYONE
These are only two choices prabhu which you have, so please choose wisely, have good association. If you will be sincere and devoted to your Seva then sooner or later you will definitely have a taste for Love of God.
Krishna reveals himself to every devotee in a unique way...
Hare Krishna :)
Lord Krishna's material energy which manifests as sexual desire cannot be got rid of by one's effort alone.Whatever is the state of mind continue with Nama Japa.Do not try to control your mind mechanically. That gives frustration as it fails .One has to be engaged in serious Bhakti sadhana . Taste changes even though there are time and again setbacks. But one's faith that Nama alone is more powerful in whatever state pulls one through .There is never a hopeless situation if one continues with Namajapa no matter what.Thanks for sharing your thoughts in such a candid manner which reflects your spiritual courage.