Hare Krsna
Please accept my humble obeisance. All glories to Srila Prabhupada
I felt Prabhupada's pulse and thought it was a little weaker and slower, around sixty beats a minute. Guru-krpa Swami was leading kirtana softly when suddenly Srila Prabhupada said, "Yasomati-nandana, Yasomati-nandana." Guru-krpa immediately broke into Yasomati-nandana braja-baro-nagara. Prabhupada smiled slightly.
We bathed him this morning, since he did not have a bath or a change of cloth yesterday. We had to do almost everything with Prabhupada lying down because of his feeling very weak. There was no possibility of taking him for darsana, as he could hardly sit up. Once he was up, however, he had his back scratched quite vigorously for fifteen minutes; then he lay back down again. I asked Prabhupada whether he would drink something; but he refused, having already sipped three spoonfuls of caranamrta, which was sufficient. As Guru-krpa sang, Prabhupada softly spoke, "Let me drink harinam amiya-vilasa," and smiled broadly.
Hari-sauri: That is sweetest nectar.
Prabhupada: Hmm.
Srila Prabhupada said, "Yasomati-nandana," then fell silent again. Just after breakfast, Prabhupada began to speak with Brahmananda Swami, Guru-krpa Swami, and myself.
Prabhupada: "Nivrtta-tarsair upagiyamanad...." It is bhava-ausadha, hari kirtana, and caranamrta diet. (He smiled.) Diet and medicine, let me depend on this.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: A very pure diet, Srila Prabhupada. Transcendental. Not feeling any discomfort?
Prabhupada: Some discomfort. Lots of cough in my chest.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: So you will bathe a bit now.
Prabhupada: You ... bathed the head? No.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: No. Your face was bathed, and your eyes. Tilaka was put on fresh.
Prabhupada: This time, what they supply?
I explained to Prabhupada what had been prepared for breakfast and lunch. Prabhupada asked who worked in the kitchen and how many guests came.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Persons staying in the guesthouse. People also come and eat.
Prabhupada: Yes, that I want.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: They are given a bill. They pay at the guesthouse.
Prabhupada: Yes.
I explained we didn't charge much, three rupees, because we were an asrama, not a hotel. Prabhupada agreed. He was smiling to hear that everyone took prasadam together. He rolled his eyes up to the top of the bed and asked Jayatirtha Maharaja what he thought. Jayatirtha thought it was good. Prabhupada asked whether everyone else approved. All devotees present gave their approval.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: You're the perfect father, Srila Prabhupada. You've provided everything for us-a place to live, food to eat, everything-and you trained us in spiritual knowledge.
Prabhupada: "Hmm ... chant all together!"
All the devotees then chanted the maha-mantra in unison for Srila Prabhupada.
Later, I was sitting and transcribing a tape when Srila Prabhupada coughed. I brought the spittoon to him, and he spat out a heavy glob of mucus, not the thin, frothy, watery type.
Prabhupada was disappointed to see it and observed, "Without drinking, cough is coming."
Hari-sauri: That's what the doctor said would happen. Without strength the body cells weaken; the blood turns to mucus and the body clogs up.
Prabhupada: And if I take [this drink], the cough will stop?"
I suggested that Complan would help, but Srila Prabhupada said he had already tried it. I mentioned the high-protein drink from America. Prabhupada curled his lips in distaste and Srila Prabhupada said, "We shall see later." Then I helped him turn onto his side, and he slept a little.
About 11:15 a.m., Prabhupada awakened and asked for me. I was at a meeting. When I returned, Prabhupada asked, "What meeting is going on?"
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: A very interesting meeting. Paramananda, Vamanadeva, Tripurari Swami, Adi-kesava Swami, and I were discussing our Gita-nagari, talking about varnasrama. Then I described how they were following Prabhupada's teachings.
Prabhupada: Do it. Go on [push forward]!
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Jaya, Srila Prabhupada! You are always the centre of our lives.
Prabhupada: Hmm, let us make some [ideal] community.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Show the world how to live ideally. Go back to Godhead! Raise your own food, make your own dhotis, make your own building and chant Hare Krsna! Worship Radha-Krsna! The materialists are working so hard; and still, they don't have a nice home, they don't have nice clothes, they don't have nice food. They don't have any love for Krsna. We have to show how to do everything well, as you have shown us. We just have to understand what you have given us.
Prabhupada: Thank you.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: We have nothing new to find out, nothing to research. You've given us everything. We have only to carry out everything exactly as you've trained us.
Prabhupada: Very nice. So you can go on with your business.
Kirtana began again and Prabhupada rested. About 12:30 p.m., we tried to persuade Prabhupada to drink something, but he wouldn't. He complained about the mucus. Upendra explained that he was losing more mucus than he was consuming liquid; thus, he was becoming dehydrated. Still, he refused to take anything, saying, "I feel no inconvenience." When Upendra left, Prabhupada turned to Abhirama and Srila Prabhupada said, "I am afraid of cough." When Abhirama asked whether he would take water, Prabhupada thought and replied, "You discuss amongst yourselves and decide what you want me to do."
Abhirama: About recovery, Prabhupada?
Prabhupada: I don't want.
Abhirama: You don't want recovery?
Prabhupada: Yes.
At 1:25 p.m., Prabhupada called for me. He was halfway through his dinner. We went close to Prabhupada to hear his voice, by now very weak.
Prabhupada: If I want to survive, of course I will have to take something. It is not possible to survive without taking something. But my survival means so many complications, one after another. Therefore, I have decided to die peacefully in Vrndavana.
His voice trailed off. He was speaking very quietly, his voice only a whisper. We were all stunned. All we could do was look at Prabhupada, as he lay with his eyes closed. Occasionally he made some noise, "Hmm." After two and a half very long minutes, I managed to ask whether we should go on with kirtana. Guru-krpa, Bhagavata, and others had come in. Hamsaduta Maharaja began singing. We could not take our eyes off Srila Prabhupada. I told Prabhupada that when some postal receipt in the name of one of his ex-family members came due, it would be given to them. He answered that they would be satisfied and would not be sorry in any way. "You have provided for everyone, Srila Prabhupada." A devotee sniffled and Prabhupada heard him.
Prabhupada: Why do you want me to survive?
The devotees could not speak, because they felt if they asked Prabhupada to stay after he had decided to leave, it would be an offense. They did not want to say, "Stay and struggle," but no one of us wanted him to leave either. I leaned forward to hear Prabhupada better.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: They want you to survive.
The kirtana had stopped as soon as Prabhupada spoke, and everyone strained to hear him. The atmosphere was incredibly intense.
Prabhupada: If I want to die, this is the way of peaceful death.
After a short time, I told Prabhupada that I was going out for about fifteen minutes for a discussion.
Prabhupada: For a discussion? They want me to survive and I want to die peacefully. I cannot make miracles. The physical body has to be maintained if I am to survive. But without taking food, how the physical body will go on? That is fanaticism.
After a long pause, I told Prabhupada that everything was in the hands of Krsna. Prabhupada then opened his eyes.
Prabhupada: Krsna wants me [to do] as I like. The choice is mine. Krsna has given me full freedom.
Brahmananda Maharaja: It doesn't matter whether you live or die, you will always be with Krsna; and we will be with you because we will follow your instructions.
Prabhupada: Whether I live or die, I will always be Krsna's servant. If Brahmananda has assured me that this movement will go on, then better let me die peacefully.
Hamsaduta Maharaja began chanting the Cintamani prayers. When he got to the verse, advaitam acyutam..., Prabhupada opened his eyes.
Prabhupada: This one, yasomati-nandana, and Hare Krsna. Chant these three.
There was a little confusion whether he meant all the Govindam prayers or that verse only, so Prabhupada spoke again.
Prabhupada: Advaitam acyutam anadir ananta rupam.
It was clear he meant that particular verse. After a few minutes, I left along with Brahmananda Maharaja and a few others. Prabhupada suddenly asked, "Kirtanananda has left?"
Hamsaduta Maharaja: No, Prabhupada; he is still here.
Prabhupada: Where is he?
Hamsaduta Maharaja: He's right here in the room.
Srila Prabhupada said, "Oh," and went back to rest.
Brahmananda Maharaja felt very sorry he had told Prabhupada that everything would go on, thus making it easy for Prabhupada to decide to leave his body. Some G.B.C. members and sannyasis began to discuss our understanding of Prabhupada's statements. Although he was saying he should die peacefully, he also informed us that Krsna had given him the choice to do as he desired. Kirtanananda Maharaja concluded therefore, that the choice was really ours. If we wanted Prabhupada badly enough, then we should go in and ask Prabhupada to stay. He was giving us this choice. I pointed out that Prabhupada used the word "survive." Did that mean we should ask him to survive as he had been doing the last two months? In that condition, we should not. But if he could survive to finish the Bhagavatam, then we should request him to stay for that. Everyone agreed it must be done. Kirtanananda Swami also brought up the question, why we should think that there was no hope for him to become fit again? Jesus brought people back from the dead; even mundane yogis could do it. Certainly Prabhupada could if he wanted. Reasoning in this way, we reversed the mood that had consumed us for the last few days, and we got the determination to request Prabhupada to stay with us. It was agreed that Kirtanananda Swami should make the presentation.
We waited until Prabhupada stirred and then all went in and crowded around the bed. It was 3:30 p.m. Kirtanananda Swami came forward to the bed as Prabhupada lay waiting. Kirtanananda Swami bent over to speak, but his lips trembled and his eyes filled with tears. Suddenly, he broke down sobbing with his head on the side of the bed. Prabhupada had his arm up in the air trying to feel who it was, but he had a little difficulty twisting his arm down and around. He asked, "Who?" Someone answered, "Kirtanananda." He lay his hand on Kirtanananda's head. Prabhupada asked, "So what do you want?" and gently rubbed his disciple. No one could say anything. We were all waiting for Kirtanananda Swami. Brahmananda Maharaja was rubbing him on the back to soothe him. I was encouraging him to say something.
Finally, after gaining control a little, he raised his head and looked at Prabhupada. Kirtanananda Maharaja said, "If Krsna gives you the choice, don't go! We need you." He said this very pleadingly.
Prabhupada moved his hand around the air to indicate all of us. "This is your joint...? You have discussed?"
Brahmananda Maharaja spoke, trying to be positive, but also full of emotion, "We have all met together. Srila Prabhupada, we want you to remain and lead this movement and finish Srimad-Bhagavatam. We said you must remain for at least another ten years. You have only done fifty percent of your work.
Prabhupada listened carefully without any movement. At the part about fifty percent, he frowned, "No." Then he gave a loud "Hmm," as if he were considering our proposal. Again, "Hmm," several times. We were held in suspense, unable to think, speak, or do anything except look intently at Srila Prabhupada. With his eyes still closed, he began to yawn. Then, with his mouth stretched open, Srila Prabhupada said, "All right." It was the most completely casual decision on life or death ever made.
At that moment, we understood Prabhupada's supremely independent position. He could stay or go as he chose. But we had become so faithless that we had actually begun thinking that Prabhupada's leaving was inevitable and could not be prevented, that his body was finished and no one could do anything about it. Now, he displayed his wonderful transcendental nature. A simple yawn, "All right," as if it were the most unimportant thing in the world!
Immediately, Harikesa Maharaja gave out a short laugh, the sort he saved only for Prabhupada when His Divine Grace did something completely outrageous from the material standpoint and fooled everyone and proved himself to be completely beyond our understanding. Everyone else laughed-a short nervous laugh-for relief and for such a wonderful happening. But we stopped short because we were not sure whether laughter was appropriate. Since we didn't know whether to laugh or cry, we fell silent to see what Prabhupada would do next. Srila Prabhupada said simply, "So-give me something to drink." Everyone erupted, "Jaya Prabhupada!" Now it was confirmed; everyone felt great relief.
Kirtanananda Maharaja: All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Prabhupada: That is real affection.
The entire atmosphere completely changed. He was helped up so he could drink; and as we watched, he drank a whole glass of grape juice. Instead of withdrawing his energy as he had done steadily for the last few days, he came to life again. As he lay back, Srila Prabhupada said, "Thank you very much. Hare Krsna!"
Devotees: Hare Krsna!
After a long pause, Srila Prabhupada spoke again.
Prabhupada: Strawberries? They have brought?
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Yes, Prabhupada. Very nice strawberries."
Prabhupada: I'll take some strawberries.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: You want only juice or plain strawberries.
Prabhupada: Plain!
Devotees: Jaya!
Prabhupada asked what the value of strawberries was. Tejiyas suggested that they were beneficial because they had sugar. Prabhupada seemed satisfied with that. Then he questioned Tejiyas further: Had he come from Hyderabad? What was the news? Tejiyas told him that mung, rice, and corn were being harvested.
Prabhupada: From corn, you can make two things: roti and bhata [rice]. The villagers will like it very much. You smash it by...dhenki. You know that machine?
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: The ladies jump on it.
Prabhupada: Yes. So, as much as it is powdered-make it roti and the hard portion make like rice. It is very nutritious.
After another lengthy pause, the conversation continued.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Actually, Srila Prabhupada you gave your word to Krsna in Bombay that you would see Him sitting in His big new temple, and you have yet to keep your word fully to Him.
At this Prabhupada began to smile very brightly.
Brahmananda Maharaja: We have fixed a date for the Bombay opening: January 1.
Prabhupada: Oh!
Brahmananda Maharaja: So we would like to invite you to come, Srila Prabhupada. It is your temple. You have asked Krsna to come there. When we all gave up, you carried on the fight.
Prabhupada: Yes. (He smiled broadly.) There was a great fight. After fighting, to construct such a big temple is a great triumph.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: I don't think Krsna will come into the temple unless you are personally there to open the door.
Prabhupada continued to smile.
Prabhupada (to Kirtanananda): Krsna's palace, when will it be ready?
Kirtanananda Maharaja: Early spring, as soon as the weather is a little warmer. It just gives you a little time to recuperate and then go to Bombay and open up the temple there and then come to your palace. I have fifty to seventy-five letters from all the devotees at New Vrindaban, and they are begging you to come. They say their life is finished if you don't.
Prabhupada: So let me take a little rest and then I shall take strawberry.
Devotees: Srila Prabhupada ki jaya!
Prabhupada called in Giriraja to discuss the banking situation. Because of the difficulty with the local Punjab National Bank, Giriraja and I decided to transfer the fixed deposits to Delhi. Prabhupada listened to everything and rested a little.
Later in the afternoon, Ramesvara Swami came to see Prabhupada. He told Prabhupada that Parivrajakacarya was preaching to the royal family in Iran. The Shah sent a car to him every day, and he preached to the prince and princess. Prabhupada was very pleased. Because it is a Muslim country, books of religions other than Islam were difficult to publish. The princess, however, ordered the minister in charge to print our first book. She had once visited the Los Angeles temple and had been highly impressed by the doll museum. Ramesvara Swami had given her a Tenth Canto painting of Krsna stealing butter, before he left Teheran to come here.
Prabhupada interrupted and asked for someone to scratch his back. Kirtanananda Swami responded. Prabhupada asked, "Anyone can scratch very hard?" Kirtanananda Swami objected, "I'm afraid you'll have no back left!" Prabhupada laughed, "Oh! Kirtanananda, you are doing?"
Ramesvara Swami continued, saying that the royal family wanted to meet Srila Prabhupada. Pleased, Prabhupada suggested that because they had money, they could do much good if they took our instruction. Hearing that the three European zones were the top book distributors in the world last week (London had distributed seventy thousand books in one week), Prabhupada commented, "Vedic civilization is sarve sukhino bhavantu, 'everyone be happy.' This is Vedic civilization. This is the way. Caitanya Mahaprabhu's mission."
Ramesvara Swami described the restaurant in Teheran and how many big people were coming for lunch. Srila Prabhupada said Atreya Rsi was very expert, and he asked about Dayananda. Ramesvara Swami told Prabhupada that a local man was translating Bhagavad Gita.
Prabhupada: Do like that. Prthivite ache yata nagaradi-grama.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: You are doing that, Srila Prabhupada.
Prabhupada: You are helping me.
At around 9:15 p.m., Yasodanandana Swami was chanting Brahma-samhita for Prabhupada. Prabhupada stopped him and began to preach.
Prabhupada: That will be our excellent achievement. This is our mission. That whatever we have got-teach others. Distress-the whole world.... Did you recite the verses in Fiji?
Yasodanandana Maharaja: Yes, we recited all these verses in Fiji.
Prabhupada: They appreciated?
Yasodanandana Maharaja: Yes, they liked very much. They had never heard before.
Prabhupada: The gurukula is meant for this purpose. Teach them and let them go around the world to teach. Taroho e bhava-sindhu. Durlabha manava-janama sat-sange, tar oho e bhava-sindhu re. This is our mission. Isopanisad? Jijivisec? What is that verse?
Guru-krpa Maharaja:
kurvann eveha karmani
jijivisec chatam samah
evam tvayi nanyatheto 'sti
na karma lipyate nare.
Prabhupada: How many things we have to do! For preaching, for teaching! Live hundreds of years! (Short pause) We are receiving very good reports from Iran.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: The royal family is taking to Krsna consciousness. I think even your own Guru Maharaja would have been surprised to hear that, Srila Prabhupada.
Prabhupada: Everyone! If one is actually a gentleman. So we have this gurukula: good chance for teaching future preachers. Here is Yasodanandana Maharaja and others. He can do. Prepare and send out. How much tremendous work we have to do!
Brahmananda Maharaja: The whole world, Srila Prabhupada.
Hari-sauri: It is unlimited.
Prabhupada: It is unlimited.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: And you have to lead us, Srila Prabhupada.
Prabhupada: Yes, I am prepared, provided Krsna allows me.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Today, you have said that Krsna has given you the choice.
Prabhupada: Hmm.
Hari-sauri: In the Bhagavatam, you mentioned that Narada Muni has the free will to travel anywhere in the material and spiritual universe, so you must also have the same ability.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: We were discussing how nice a devotee you are, Srila Prabhupada, that you are so faithful a servant and devotee of Lord Krsna. That He allows you to do whatever you want because He knows that you will do everything for Him. (Pause)
Prabhupada: Visaya means material activity; so one side is visaya chariya, se rase majiya. One has to give up material activity and engage in Krsna consciousness. This is one side; and another side, my Guru Maharaja said: krsna-bhajane yaha haya anukula, visaya baliya tyage taha haya bhula Anything which is favourable for Krsna-seva, if we give up that business as visaya, that is mistake.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Your life, Srila Prabhupada, is the most favourable thing in this world for spreading Krsna consciousness, so you shouldn't give it up.
Prabhupada: Anyway, Krsna has given us so many innocent boys. Yasodanandana Maharaja, teach them.
Yasodanandana Maharaja: Yes, Srila Prabhupada.
Prabhupada: Like you-super excellent.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: We are your innocent boys, Srila Prabhupada.
Prabhupada (after a pause): Let there be struggle for existence for this purpose! What is the time?
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Just past 9:15 p.m.
Prabhupada: Nana-sastra-vicaranaika-nipunau.
Brahmananda Maharaja: Srila Prabhupada, I was thinking that the religion of Jesus Christ has spread all over the world, and you are much greater than Jesus Christ. Your teachings are greater, and your power is far, far greater. So if you can remain here more and more years, then certainly this Krsna consciousness movement will be spread all over the world."
Prabhupada: I am willing.
Brahmananda Maharaja: And actually we can make this whole world Krsna conscious.
Prabhupada: Yes, not difficult.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: You said you still wanted to see this whole world over flooded with Krsna consciousness.
Prabhupada: We can do that.
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: As you instruct us, Srila Prabhupada, we will carry out your instructions exactly.
Prabhupada: Two things. Visaya chariya. Material motive should be given up and everything for Krsna's service. Whatever favourable, then it will.... (break) Atreya Rsi is doing nice. Who is that Maharaja?
Tamala Krsna Maharaja: Parivrajakacarya Swami.
Prabhupada: Very nice. Good combination.
Tamala Krsna: He tricks them. In the guise of teaching a little hatha-yoga, then he teaches bhakti.
Prabhupada: That is preaching.
Brahmananda Maharaja: You also tricked us, Srila Prabhupada. When you came to New York, you were just chanting Hare Krsna and speaking Bhagavad Gita. And we came and we listened, and then you took everything. You took our lives, all of our money; we left our family. (Everyone laughed. Prabhupada laughed out loud.)
Prabhupada: There is one Bengali word, "Enter like a needle and come out like a plow." (All laughed.) If you say in the beginning, "I am a plow," they will never allow you to enter. Say, "I am a needle." This way, try to serve Krsna. He'll give all intelligence. Buddhi-yogam dadami tam. Now go take rest.
Hamsaduta Maharaja: Would you like some chanting?
Prabhupada: Chanting I like always.
Prabhupada rested comfortably during the night.
Biographies and Glorifications of Srila Prabhupada-TKG's Diary: Prabhupada's Final Days- October 9th-Tamala Krsna Goswami
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